So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
