Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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