she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
