I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
