is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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