Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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