So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
