ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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