God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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