I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
