Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
