lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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