I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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