I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
