i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
