Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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