Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
