I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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