I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
