i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize