I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
