Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize