I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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