moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
