so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize