woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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