I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
