We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
