I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
