I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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