you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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