I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
