I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
