How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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