I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
