getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
