i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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