i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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