dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
