I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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