I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
