chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
