went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
