You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
