Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
