Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
