well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
