She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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