if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
