he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
