the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
