I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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