You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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