suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
