No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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