The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
3pm strippers are depressing
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
