Pants 0. Shit 1.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
