Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize