I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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