Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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