Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
