i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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