Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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