i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
