I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
